Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Editing is a Process

ORIGINAL: This multi-pack approach saves space in the parking lot but with a lessening of system reliability.

BETTER: This multi-pack approach saves space in the parking lot but decreases system reliability.

BEST: This multi-pack approach saves parking lot space at the cost of decreased system reliability.

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ORIGINAL: "Your ticket price includes both free parking as well as free pop-corn."

BETTER: "Your ticket price includes free parking as well as free pop-corn."

OR: "Your ticket price includes both free parking and free pop-corn."

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