Technical Editing

EXAMPLE: Once the startup condition is attained, the user can launch the module.

BETTER: After starting the system, the user can launch the module.

Misplaced Modifier – Even WSJ Falls For It

“Misplaced modifier” is a frequently committed logical error that even the most prominent publications fall for occasionally. Here is an example:

“Ports are especially vulnerable to pesky animals like rabbits and deer because they offer large, fenced-in areas of dirt and grass.” (Wall Street Journal, June 21, 2007)

The sentence is malformed because it suggests that “pesky animals… offer large, fenced-in areas of dirt and grass” -- which of course is not true.

That unintended implication is created because the modifier clause “because they offer large, fenced-in areas of dirt and grass” is placed right after “pesky animals like rabbits and deer” instead of the “ports,” the true subject that needs the modification.

Solution?

Move the modifier clause right next to the subject of the sentence:

“Since they offer large, fenced-in areas of dirt and grass, ports are especially vulnerable to pesky animals like rabbits and deer.”

Or

“Ports that offer large, fenced-in areas of dirt and grass are especially vulnerable to pesky animals like rabbits and deer.”

Both would work. Case closed. Confusion prevented.

Editing is a Process

ORIGINAL: This multi-pack approach saves space in the parking lot but with a lessening of system reliability.

BETTER: This multi-pack approach saves space in the parking lot but decreases system reliability.

BEST: This multi-pack approach saves parking lot space at the cost of decreased system reliability.

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ORIGINAL: "Your ticket price includes both free parking as well as free pop-corn."

BETTER: "Your ticket price includes free parking as well as free pop-corn."

OR: "Your ticket price includes both free parking and free pop-corn."

Joy of Editing

“Honda recently announced that it is soon going to start its Mexican-built Civic exported to U.S.”

BETTER: “Honda recently announced that it will soon start exporting its Mexican-built Civics to the U.S.”

“upon the advertising campaign going active…”

BETTER: “when the advertising campaign is launched…”

“The signal to unlock a barrier can truncate upon the door position input going active."

BETTER: “The signal to unlock a barrier can truncate when the door position input is active.”

“They determine whether the authorized party is present prior to the start of a transaction.”

BETTER: “They determine whether the authorized party is present before a transaction begins.”

Technical Editing

“These other outputs are useful when additional prompting of the user is achieved via stored messages or indicator lamps.”

BETTER: “These other outputs are useful to prompt the user via stored messages or indicator lamps.”

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“The confirm direction specification is used to set the significance of the sensor to transaction directionality.”

BETTER: “The Confirm Direction is used to specify the transaction directionality of the sensor.”

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“A barrier usually factors into the determination of whether the user has actually moved from one location to another.”

BETTER: “A barrier helps determine whether the user has actually moved from one location to another.”

(Eliminate convoluted phrases such as “factors into the determination of” whenever possible. Simplify, simplify, simplify.)