"Doctors Without Borders" Gets It Right

Doctors Without Borders direct mail package does so many things right that it's worth mentioning here.

First off: they've got a great FREE OFFER that they announce right up front:

"Your Free World Map Enclosed."

How can you not open that envelope? Who does not like a free world map even if you've got a dozen already?

Secondly, you turn the envelope, and there it is -- a trust-builder hard to match:
"Awarded the 1999 Nobel Peace Prize"

Wow! They must be doing "something right"- correct?

I'm sure there aren't too many organizations out there who are awarded the Nobel Peace Prize but if you've got even your Neighborhood Good Business Prize then don't hesitate; flaunt it. Right on your envelope.

Two more great things about this direct mail package.

Aren't we all worried "where the money is going to" when it comes to non-profits like this?



Fully anticipating such donor skepticism, DWB informs you with a very simple bar graphic that 87% of the money goes to Program Services, 12% to Fund Raising, and only 1% to Management and General.

Now that's the kind of non-profit I'd like to contribute to. I like that 1% figure very much.

Then the map... The first side looks like any other color world wall map.

But you turn the other side and you see great highlights of the services DWB offered in different countries under different trying circumstances.

COLUMBIA - Populations Isolated by Violence
SUDAN - Assistance to Displaced Populations
UGANDA - Meningitis Outbreak
CAMBODIA - Expanding Access to Treatment
IRAQ - Assisting Victims of a Brutal Conflict

That's good because without that the world map they gave would be pretty much meaningless.

However, as you can see, the copy is not even. The sentences do not follow the "parallel construction" rule.

It would be much better if all descriptions started with an action verb and reflected what the organization did for those local populations.

Here is the edited world map highlights with parallel construction:

COLUMBIA - Brought Health Care to Populations Isolated by Violence
SUDAN - Assisted Populations Displaced by Ethnic War
UGANDA - Treated Meningitis Outbreak Patients
CAMBODIA - Expanded Access to Rural Health Care
IRAQ - Assisted Victims of a Brutal Conflict

Once again, on the map, we are reminded by a simple pie chart that only 1% of the proceeds go to "Management".

A very heads-up and professionally done direct mail package. Good job!

Loose Copy Will Sink the Message

Envelope blurbs are great vehicles to increase the response rate in direct mail.

But here is the Number One Commandment of all envelope copy: Thou Shalt Not Confuse and Obfuscate.

Here are two recent direct-mail envelopes that I found in my mailbox recently that raise more questions than they answer.

1) The Kennedy Center

The back of the solicitation envelope that the Center mailed has a beautiful multicolor pie chart as an answer to the question: "How Important Is Kennedy Center Membership?"

So you look at the pie-chart to understand how important the "membership" is and guess what? NONE of the pie slices is labeled "Membership".

• The 37% slice is labeled "Contributions"
• The 19% slice is labeled "Federal Funds"
• The 44% slice is labeled "Ticket Sales & Other Earned Income"

So where is the Membership? I guess it's "Contributions"? But if that is so, WHY MAKE ME THINK?

Why not just call it "Membership" so I can establish an immediate visual connection between the Question and the Answer?

But it's not over yet.

The pie-chart is followed by a call to action: "Help make us whole!"

Yes, BUT HOW? That's not clear either.

Here is the Other Cardinal Rule of direct mail envelope copy - If you are asking the reader to do something, you should also provide specific steps to complete the requested action.

From the pie, it's not clear which slice should I help EXPAND to make it the WHOLE?

Should I help the Kennedy Center become WHOLE by increasing their Federal Funds?

Should I help the Kennedy Center become WHOLE by increasing their Ticket Sales & Other Earned Income?

Or,

Should I help the Kennedy Center become WHOLE by increasing their Contributions?

I suspect the Center would like me do the third pie-chart alternative.

Then why don't they simply tell me "Send in your Contribution today!" ?

The lesson -- do not force your readers to solve puzzles. That will drop your response rate considerably.

2) IONA Senior Services

Their motto, printed right on the envelope, reads:

"Experts on Aging"

Like in "we are experts in helping you get older"?

Probably what they meant was this: "Experts in Elder Care..."

What a difference the right and wrong copy can make.