Critically Scarce"?

Can something be "scarce" but NOT "critically scarce"?

From New York Times (June 7, 2008):

"... housing was critically scarce along the Gulf Coast after Hurricane Katrina."

?

This is like saying "the house was painted green in color." Green is the color, and what's scarce is by definition "critically" so.

It's enough and more proper to say something is painted green, period; or that the housing is scarce. Full stop.

Non-Parallel Construction

Even important publications like NYT or WSJ are not immune to generating weak prose, constructed with non-parallel clauses.

Here is one from New York Times (June 7, 2008):

"The hunger strike is meant to pressure federal officials, and comes as Congress is debating an expansion of the guest worker program..."

There's nothing "wrong" with this sentence except a passive-voice clause is followed by an active-voice one.

This is how I'd edit it:

"The hunger strike aims to put pressure on the federal officials, and comes as Congress is debating an expansion of the guest worker program..."

Gobbledygook of the Day: "Swimming Venues"

Obfuscation, or making what is plain unclear and cover it with a veil of mystery, comes easy to some public speakers.

The other day as I was driving in my car and listening to a program on the various hazards of spending a day at the beach, I heard one of the experts say:

"I have to caution your listeners to be careful when they visit hundreds of thousands of swimming venues this summer..."

SWIMMING VENUES??? That was a new one for me. Why not just say "pools and beaches"?

Clarity and relevance should not be the cost of abstraction and generalization.

The Gobbledygook Word of The Year: “Specificity”

Perhaps it’s still too early for the nominations but I hereby nominate the following monstrosity for the Gobbledygook Word of The Year:

“Specificity”, and even worse, “Specificities”, in its plural form.

Try saying it three times in a row and you’ll instantly forget what time it is or where you are.

Examples from world press:

“Angola: SADC Secretary Acknowledges Country's Specificities” (Angola Press Agency)

"This White Paper … enhances the visibility of sport in EU policy-making, raises awareness of the needs and specificities of the sport sector, and identifies appropriate further action at EU level." (Ján Figel, European Commissioner in charge of Education, Training, Culture & Youth, including Sport)

The European Neighbourhood Policy (ENP) Action Plans, which were signed in November 2006, take into account the specificities of the South Caucasus countries.” (Ambassador Per Eklund, Head of Delegation of the European Commission to Georgia and Armenia)

“Specificity” has two main definitions. Its medical definition means something.

But its non-medical definition is a true abomination. It describes anything but a state of being “specific.” It’s just a vacuous place holder for an idea not quite formed in an ill-informed mind.

MEDICAL definition: “The ability of a test to detect that a condition is not present when it is, in fact, not present. The proportion of people free of a disease who have a negative test.”

NON-MEDICAL definition: “The quality of being specific rather than general; "add a desirable note of specificity to the discussion"; "the specificity of the symptoms of the disease.””

To refer to a group of items that are not clearly defined as “specificities” is as ridiculous an act as calling a group of dead people “existentiaries”.

There should be an article in the penal code against using such words of obfuscation that pollute public communication channels and thus undermine common good, peace and harmony.

Avoid Stuffy English

Commercial prose is so open to dragging in the deadwood to the center of your living room and just forgetting it there...

One such oddity I've heard this morning on the radio was the phrase "near impossibility."

People (in America) don't talk like that. They say something is "almost impossible" -- not "it is a near impossibility."

Even worse -- have you ever heard anybody saying "honey, don't forget to take your umbrella against a precipitation activity" (which might very well be a "near possibility"!).

Listen to any weather report and you can perhaps hear them issue an alert against "precipitation activity."

Sometimes even the traffic reporters get in the mood and start talking about an "accident activity on the right shoulder on I-95"... ugh!

Read aloud what you write and ask yourself if normal people talk like that. If they do, you've got great prose. Congratulations. If not, burn what you've written and don't tell anyone about it. We'll all be better for it.

USPS: "Is The Correct English On Their Sign?"

I stopped by at the U.S. Post Office this morning and saw this big sign on the wall:

"Metered Mail Customers: IS THE CORRECT DATE ON YOUR METERED MAIL?"

This sentence would've been grammatically correct only if someone was asking if the "correct date" actually read "ON YOUR METERED MAIL".

An analogous sentence would be "Is the apple green?", or "Is the world round?"

I guess someone was trying to say:

1) "Metered Mail Customers: DO YOU HAVE THE CORRECT DATE ON YOUR METERED MAIL?"

or

2) "Metered Mail Customers: IS THE DATE ON YOUR METERED MAIL CORRECT?"

or

3) "Metered Mail Customers: DOES YOUR METERED MAIL HAVE THE CORRECT DATE?"

How did they find the only sentence combination that was not correct and display it prominently where everyone can see it?

I guess you need a governmental committee to achieve a feat like that.

Misplaced Modifier – Even WSJ Falls For It

“Misplaced modifier” is a frequently committed logical error that even the most prominent publications fall for occasionally. Here is an example:

“Ports are especially vulnerable to pesky animals like rabbits and deer because they offer large, fenced-in areas of dirt and grass.” (Wall Street Journal, June 21, 2007)

The sentence is malformed because it suggests that “pesky animals… offer large, fenced-in areas of dirt and grass” -- which of course is not true.

That unintended implication is created because the modifier clause “because they offer large, fenced-in areas of dirt and grass” is placed right after “pesky animals like rabbits and deer” instead of the “ports,” the true subject that needs the modification.

Solution?

Move the modifier clause right next to the subject of the sentence:

“Since they offer large, fenced-in areas of dirt and grass, ports are especially vulnerable to pesky animals like rabbits and deer.”

Or

“Ports that offer large, fenced-in areas of dirt and grass are especially vulnerable to pesky animals like rabbits and deer.”

Both would work. Case closed. Confusion prevented.

Three Masters of Copy who are not “Copywriters”

“Copy” simply means prose, and good copy is any piece of text that communicates well.

There are many master writers who turn out exquisite pieces of copy who are not “copywriters” since they do not write direct sales copy. But they still sell, albeit indirectly, the products, personalities and services that they so skillfully review.

Since they are so good with the words, you also don’t want to be around them when they don’t like your product or service. Their mighty sword uplifts and reflects light on their favorite objects. But the same instrument can also cut and dissect like a laser beam.

Here are the three non-copywriter masters of the copy that I read regularly:

1) Frank Deford is an award winning sports author with fifteen books, a Senior Contributing Writer at Sports Illustrated and a commentator on NPR.

Here are some Deford samples:

“Clemens, the best pitcher of this era, engages in an annual peek-a-boo. He retires in autumn, and then, like a perennial, decides to bloom again in the spring.”

“More often, though, there is the likes of Terrell Owens, diagnosed with modesty deficiency syndrome…”

“For many athletes, New York City is an intimidating place to play. Fans have high expectations and aren't afraid to boo players who disappoint them. If you can take it there, you can take it anywhere.”

For more: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=4499275

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2) Rex Reed is a movie critic at New York Oberver.

Here are some samples from Reed:

“…Mr. Fraser as Jamie, a frustrated, simmering wimp with a streak of mendacity waiting to surface and torch…”

“…director Rydell balances every move on the head of a pin…”

“Jane Fonda can do just about anything, but first you have to give her something to do.”

“This movie is so bad people are taking bets to see how long they can stay awake without snoring.”

“Directed by Marc Evans, Snow Cake suffers from the same faults that plague most Canadian films: It drones itself to death with the pace of a drunken ant, and the ending takes longer than to arrive than Christmas morning.”

For more: http://www.observer.com/culture_rexreed.asp

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3) Warren Brown is an automobile reviewer at The Washington Post.

Here are some Brown samples:

“If pickup trucks were a religion, most of the owners of those vehicles in Asheville would be fundamentalists.”

“Witness the all-wheel-drive 2006 Infiniti M35 X sedan, a motorized treaty between excess and practicality.”

“…finished with elegant rosewood for older, more traditional customers who know that life's bits and bytes are relatively meaningless without its poetry.”

“Sitting in the car is akin to fitting one's body into a rich, comfortable glove. It is a rare instance in which status plays second fiddle to seduction.”

“Head-turning quotient: Oh, Bess! Honey, you snapped necks everywhere with your bad self…”

“I much prefer dancing -- spending an evening with salsa, samba or tango. There is just as much sweat in such movement; but the experience is more enjoyable, memorable -- like driving a DB9 along a beach road in Coronado at twilight.”

For more: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/business/columns/autos/brownwarren/

SCAMGLISH Gives Away E-Mail Scams

If you are not sure if an e-mail offer is a scam or not, just look at the English with which it is written.

Almost all scam letters have ungrammatical, awkward, stilted and sometimes outright laughable English (or, "Scamglish") since the text is copied and pasted many times over during the life cycle of the scam, without hardly any proofreading or anybody taking the time to make sure it is a grammatically correct letter. I doubt if some of them can even write or speak standard English.

Scam artists do not have the time for such niceties, thanks goodness. Otherwise how would we immediately recognize them?

Here are some recent gems that ended up in my mail box today... Enjoy!

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“You would be paid $450 every two weeks to a total of $900 per month.”

“Commission: 10% of every money order/check that is cashed instantly "cash in hand"
or "cash on counter" is what you get from the total cashed amount.”

“…our company supports any fees.”

“Thank You for taking your time to read our offer.”

“…we do not have a payment receiving personnel in these Areas.”

“I am very happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred…”

“Furnish him with your informations like; Your full name.............”

Lay, Lie or Lie? How to Use Them Correctly with "Visual Aid" ?

Is there anyone who is not confused with the proper usage of the verbs "lay" and "lie"? I know I am from time to time. So that's why I developed a "visual aid" to help myself remember what is what. It works for me and I hope it'll be helpful for you as well.

1) Lay means to "place," or "put" and it is a transitive verb. That is, it needs an OBJECT to make sense. You always lay SOMETHING.

VISUAL AID: Imagine the letter "a" in "Lay" as someone bending over to place a heavy object on the ground.

"Our engineers will lay the foundation of our new headquarters building."

Both the past and perfect tense of "Lay" is "Laid." Lay-Laid-Laid (1-2-2).

"Our engineers have laid the foundation of our new headquarters building."

2) Lie, an intransitive verb that does not need an object, means to "recline" or "remain."

VISUAL AID: Imagine the DOT on the letter "i" in "Lie" as the head of someone resting/reclining on a couch or bed.

But watch out -- the PAST tense of lie is also lay! That's why it can get pretty confusing.

"The puppy would not lay still even for a second!"

So when you see "lay," you have to figure out whether it is to "put/place" or "recline/remain" from the context.

However the perfect tense of "Lie" is "Lain." Lie-Lay-Lain (1-2-3).

"The overturned truck had lain in the ditch the whole night."

3) Lie has yet ANOTHER meaning, as you know – telling an untruth.

Its past and perfect tenses are "Lied" and "Lied." Lie-Lied-Lied (1-2-2). Usually it's easy to tell this form of "lie" from the other.

("Puppy lied." Correct? No. Puppies don't talk. It should be "Puppy lay.")